Bush and Cheney Switch Minds for a Week
By Joel Hagen
Washington, D.C. – President George W. Bush astonished the White House press room by appearing Friday. He further astonished reporters by revealing that he had switched brains with Vice President Dick Cheney for a week.
Washington insiders could tell something was up by their behavior over the past week. Cheney kept giggling to himself and giving people nicknames while Bush spent the week reading newspapers and reports as well as signing orders.
“It started while Cheney and I were eating sushi last Friday with the Japanese ambassador,” Bush said. “Cheney and I were arguing who had the tougher life. One of us, probably him, said he’d like me to live a week in his shoes. Then we had this special blowfish sampler and the next morning, I was in Cheney’s body.”
The comparisons to “Freaky Friday” and “Vice Versa” are already being bandied about in Washington. One unnamed White House official said the staff was already calling Cheney ‘Dudley’ and Bush ‘Kirk’ after the main actors in “Like Father, Like Son.”
On “Meet the Press,” Cheney recounted his first moments.
“I woke up and found Laura in bed, and I thought ‘What is she doing here?’” he said. “Then I noticed that my heart wasn’t making that extra dub in my panic. Once I looked in the mirror, though, I started screaming.”
Soon the two discovered each other, commiserated, and decided to keep the secret to themselves. For the rest of the week, Cheney (Bush) had to avoid the press, try to scoff out loud at any criticism, and try to remember the hundreds of nicknames Bush had given the various members of the staff. Bush (Cheney), on the other hand, had to work behind the scenes, tip Haliburton on upcoming deals, and keep from doing any strenuous exercise. Both had moments of weakness, which raised the staff’s suspicions.
“Luckily, our wives didn’t object when we refrained from what would have been extramarital relations,” Cheney said.
Bush said once he and Cheney realized how tough the other’s job was, the change was immediate. Both have learned valuable lessons. Bush plans to try to read more. Cheney plans to work on his verbal scoffs.